Friday, January 30, 2009

TGIF, or Amy, Chapstick and stickers.

I sat in front of Amy Number One this morning. I heard her chattering to herself with different voices. From what I heard and what I could Google, it sounds like she was replaying an episode of Veggie Tales. She decided to strike up a conversation with me this morning. I had my headphones on, so she leaned over, got about two inches from my face and yelled at me. Surprisingly, she adjusted her tone of voice when I took out my earphones.

A: Did you put Chapstick on your lips?
M: a little surprised Yes, I did. I'm fanatical about using lipbalm. I hate when my lips are dry.
A: I used Chapstick on my lips. she starts rubbing her lips
M: Not knowing what else to say It's good to use Chapstick when in the winter when it's cold outside.
A: Are you going to be here in the afternoon?
M: I will but I ride a different bus than you in the afternoon.
A: Were you here yesterday?
M: I was.
A: Did you have Chapstick with you yesterday?
M: I did. I always carry it with me.
A: Were you here Wednesday?
M: I was here Wednesday.
A: Were you here Tuesday?
M: I was, but I was a little late. I overslept.
A: Were you here Monday?
M: No. I stayed home on Monday because I had a cold.
A: Are you going to be here on Monday?
M: Yes, I will.
A: Do you have any stickers?
M: No. I don't think I have any stickers at home either. Do you like stickers?
A: I like stickers. What's your name?
M: I thought we'd been through this already. Meg.
A: Meg what?
M: Pilarski
A: What?
M: Pilarski.
A: Spell it.
M: P-I-L-A-R-S-K-I
A: Spell it again.
M: P-I-L-A-R-S-K-I
A: P-A-R...
M: P-I-L-A-R-S-K-I
A: spelling it with me P-I-L-A-R-S-K-I
At this point, she sits back. At one minutes intervals, she sits up and tries to spell my last name again. After three tries, she gets it and looks very pleased with herself.

About three minutes later, she sits up again.
A: Meg, am I behaving like I am supposed to?
M: Yes, Amy, you're very good.
A: I'm not going to make mouse noises anymore.
M: Oh, okay. Are you not supposed to make mouse noises?
A: Only children make mouse noises. I'm sitting like a lady. She sort of alludes to the bitchy bus driver telling her all of this.
A: A few minutes later I'm being a good girl.
M: You're always good Amy.

I have to run to Target and the craft store anyway this weekend, but I think I might pick up some stickers for her. I also want to ask her on Monday who told her that only children make mouse noises. It's one thing for this bus driver to ask her to not ring the bell while we're on I-40. It's quite another if she's telling Amy she has to sit like a lady.l

Wednesday, January 28, 2009


I've been tagged by Linda, a new blog friend.

Make a list of things you can see without getting up: I had planned on doing this from home, because the office just isn't that exciting, however...corporate holiday schedule, list of names and phone numbers I call frequently, calendar, Terrible Towel, monitor, CPU, phone and tray of pens, highlighters, stapler, and miscellaneous office paraphernalia.

What were you like when you were five? Really weird. I'd talk to anyone and I had imaginary cats.

What are you wearing now? Nothing. What are you wearing? ;) Just kidding, people. I'm wearing my uniform. Black t-shirt, black cardigan, jeans, black shoes, lime green scarf. Otherwise people wouldn't recognize me.

What story/book/novel have you read over and over again in your life? Assuming you mean fiction, The Count of Monte Cristo, Vanity Fair and Crime and Punishment.

What’s the last thing you read/are currently reading? Dante's The Divine Comedy and Descartes's Discourse On The Method. Yes, I really do read this stuff. There's not much thinking to be done at work these days, so I need something a little meaty lest my brain turn to jello.

Do you nap a lot? I love a nap. If I don't get at least one on the weekend, I feel like my weekend was wasted.

Who was the last person you hugged? My mom, I think. Over Christmas. I'm not a touchy feely person, really.

What’s your current fandom/obsession/addiction? Fandom: NCIS. I love this show. I'm watching the current season and trying to get caught up on past seasons. Obsession: sewing.

What was the last thing you ate today? A giant salad from Lilly's Pizza. I ordered it last night for lunch today.

What was the last thing you said aloud? "Certainly, if you can hold on for just a moment." I am at work, after all.

What websites do you always visit when you go online? Email, Facebook, Blogger dashboard, NY Times Online, then any new posts on the bazillion blogs I read.

What was the last thing you bought? A new cotton scarf in Chapel Hill. If you want me to be literal about it, pizza and a salad.

What are you listening to right now? Two coworkers discussing someone's pension paperwork, my boss just sneezed three times, a secretary is on a conference call, another coworker talking about his Hungry Man lunch. I hate open offices.

What movie are (or were!) you most excited to show your kids? No kids. If I did have kids, it would be anything and everything by Pixar. I would avoid Disney like the plague. I am convinced that Disney and Walmart are going to be the decline of Western Civilization. You heard it here first!

If you could have any super power, what would it be? Depends. Either the ability to stop time-I'm frequently late- or the ability to be invisible-how much fun would that be?

What is your favorite weather, and why? Either 60 and sunny with leaves falling all around me or 15 and snowy. I like cold.

What time do you usually get up? I don't sleep well, so the answer would be 4 or 5-ish, then 6:40 during the week. On the weekends, 4 or 5-ish, 6:30-ish then 8-ish.

What is your most challenging goal right now? Being patient. I'm waiting to hear when I'll get laid off. I've also applied to a baking and pastry program and I'm waiting to hear. I can't make any decisions about my life beyond the next 5 months right now and it's killing me.

Say something to the person who tagged you: Linda tagged me. I don't know her well at the moment. I have enjoyed reading her blog and look forward to getting some time soon to read her older posts.

If you could have a house–totally paid for, fully furnished–anywhere in the world, where would you want it to be? An old (like 18th or 19th century) apartment in Paris. The kind with a fireplace in every room, giant ceilings, French doors and parquet floors, and a nice big terrace. Located above a patisserie in a very hip neighborhood, naturally.

Favorite vacation spot? I'm not sure I have one. I like to travel to new places.

What is your favorite children’s book? Anything by Shel Silverstein. Grimm's Fairy Tales were good too.

Name one thing you just can’t resist no matter how bad it is for you: Potato Chips. I can't help it. I have a weakness for almond croissants too.

If you could meet anyone famous - dead or alive - who would it be? I have a very long list. The answer would depend on where it would be. If I'm going back in time, an ancient Greek philosopher would be cool. If they are coming over for tea, maybe Jane Austen or Edgar Allen Poe, but I'd really have to clean first.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

I have been tagged.

However, I am tired. I am full of Lilly's Pizza. Super Duper, if you're interested. Mr Kitty is freaking out. Currently, Elvis is spinning in circles biting his tail. And last but not least, there's a new episode of NCIS on. I shall respond to my tag tomorrow. I promise. Because I like Linda. She's cool.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Please don't make me come up with a title for this post.

Today was the kind of day that makes me never want to leave the house again. I can just hear you now.

"Oh, no, Meg. What happened?"

Well, since you asked...wait, go get a drink,a glass of red wine perhaps, and sit in a comfy chair. Ready? Right. Oh, and this first part is a wee graphic. Deal with it. Most of you are moms anyway.

I woke up around 3:15 this morning to the smell of cat poo. Someone had to use the litter box. It occurred to me that maybe it was a little too...stinky. Being the good kitty mommy I am, I got up, turned on a light, lifted up his tail. He was a mess. Did I mention he was sitting my my dresser? I picked him up and went into the bathroom only to realize, he missed the litter box. First things first, I gave him a bath. This kitty HATES water. And by hates, I mean he clawed the hell out of my arms. Right now, I look totally Emo. While I was giving him his bath at 3:30 AM, he was squirming, clawing, meowing, squawking, and generally protesting. As soon as the bath was over, I wrapped the soaking wet kitty in a towel like a burrito. Instantly, kitty burrito became calm and began purring. It was amazing. He didn't want to get out of the towel. Crazy. The snuggling was short-lived as I needed to clean up and Swiffer my bathroom floor, hallway, bedroom floor and dresser. Did I mention it was now 3:45 AM? Yup. When I was done, I got back into bed, when wet kitty decided he needed to snuggle more. This was nice, however not conducive to sleep.

I called in sick this morning, planning on sleeping since, to add insult to injury, I have a cold. Due to something beeping at the church next door, I only got about an hour sleep. Turns out they are doing work on the stone, sandblasting or something. I decided to get up and go run an errand in Hillsborough. I thought I'd take the bus.

Famous last words.

I caught the bus at 9:40-ish at my usual bus stop. When we got to the stop across from NCSU, there was a woman standing on the curb. She was waving as frantically as someone on a deserted island waiting to be rescued. Never mind the bus is supposed to stop there no matter what. She begins to motion to the woman sitting on the bench minding her own business as though without her help the bus won't stop. The woman on the bench just sits there. She is a regular rider and knows the bus will stop. This frantic woman, lets call her

::quick aside:: while Googling cast away looking for famous people on deserted islands and I ran into this. Before you click, I shall warn you, it's, uh, shall we say...racy? Click here if you dare.

Okay, so this Crazy Lady acts like she's climbing the north face of Everest as she's climbing the bus steps. She has with her a GIANT plastic mug with a Hardee's Racing logo on it and a big straw poking out, that I'd wager should not have been that brown. She also has a tote bag with her, and from the way she carried it, smart money would say she was carrying an anvil. She immediately sits down without putting money into the fare box. She asks the woman behind her if she can hold the gross Hardee's mug. She digs through the anvil bag and pulls out a few ones. She waits for a red light to stand up and put her money in the box. We have a green light and the old man driving the bus proceeds very slowly. I mean, like 2 MPH. Crazy Lady acts like she's going ass over tea kettle down the steps. She can't get the last dollar bill in and begins coaxing it. "C'mon, baby. Baby, you can do it." And so on. She's got this loud voice and she's a little manic. She sits down and begins talking to the bus driver in her "Outdoor Voice," you folks with kids know what I mean. She starts bitching about the out of service TTA bus that went by about 10 minutes before. She's acting like it was the last bus on Earth and repeats herself five or six times. She's very concerned about this bus not stopping for her and is convinced that the old man bus driver both cares and will personally be responsible for correcting the error. She then digs into the anvil bag again and pulls out her cell phone. Again using her Outdoor Voice, she makes a call begging someone at UNC Hospital to wait for her. She then goes into this long, manic rant about having to walk down Brooks Ave and a bus that refused to stop for her, etc. etc. etc. Again, she repeats herself five or six times. I'm sensing a little OCD. Who's with me? Meanwhile, the super-polite woman behind her is still holding the gross Hardee's mug. Just as I'm about to say something to her about Nice Lady still holding her drink, she turns around and tells her she is almost done.

We get to the outlet mall by the airport, when Crazy Lady tells the bus driver to stop. She's again frantic as she tells him there is a guy on the other side of the street waiting for the bus. What does the bus driver do? He stops. For someone on the other side of the street. This is one driver I thankfully don't see very often. He drives really slow, so we're already about 10 minutes behind at this point. Anyway, the driver stops and opens the door and waits like he's got no place to be. Crazy Lady stands up and indicates she's going to go tell this guy that he needs to hurry up. Luckily this guy comes along and the driver asks him where he's going. The wayward passenger says he's going to Page Road. A conversation ensues about where to stand and which bus to take and so on, but we're still not moving. Finally we're start moving and now Crazy Lady is all worried about us being late. Really, she's worried about this now? The driver claims he asked dispatch to wait. Crazy Lady goes into this Clockwork Orangian loop of "I pray they hold the bus." By some act of I don't know which deity, they held a few of the buses.

I get on the Chapel Hill bus. The driver is the guy who drives my second morning bus. I really like him. I tell him I'm not sure where to catch the 420 bus. As he's telling me, Crazy Lady walks up behind me. Lucky me, she's going to Chapel Hill too. I interrupt him to say, "this lady is fucking nuts. Good luck!" To which he laughs. He tells me where to go and I go sit way in the back of the bus, far away from her. She sets her stuff on the seat and tells the driver she has to use the loo. She holds us up for another five minutes because she has to whatever in the port o'potty. He was a little pissed. I had my head phones on so I couldn't hear him, but she repeated several times that she was sorry but she had to go and she couldn't help it and it wasn't her fault.

Finally, we're on our way. I get to Franklin Street in Chapel Hill and find the stop for the 420 Hillsborough bus. Three of us get on this little orange shuttle bus and a black guy walks up to the bus door and asks the driver, a black woman, where this bus goes. She tells him Hillsborough. He wants to know how much to ride this bus. She tells him $2. He's wants to know if that's a round trip. He can't believe a round trip is $4. She tells him he can get a $4 day pass online. He says okay and starts to step back. He steps up again before she can close the doors. He asks her, "What's Hillsborough like?" Since she's surprised by his question she mistakenly asks, "what?" He goes off..."I mean, you know, what's Hillsborough like?" "It's okay," she replies. "What's there to do in Hillsborough," he wants to know. She tries to tell him she has to go. Now he wants to know if there are a lot of black people in Hillsborough. Are there more black people than in Chapel Hill? Which city has the most black people? The worst part is that she's entertaining his questions. Finally, she tells him she has to go and closes the doors. We're off.

The ride to Hillsborough from Chapel Hill should only take 30 minutes. It takes almost an hour. I arrive at the stop at the court house just before noon. This being the South, I was afraid the court house would be closed for lunch. Luckily, they appear to be open. Sherrif Barney Fife is at the entrance, presumably for security, and asks me if he can help me. I tell him I'm here to pay a ticket and need to talk to someone. He tells me that he doesn't think anyone can help me. They are moving and all the records are packed up in boxes. Dear god, don't tell me they don't use computers!!!!!! He tells me to walk two blocks up the street and I'll see "Clerk of Courts" on a storefront. I swear they only thing this guy needed to complete the image was a good coon dog asleep at his feel.

I walk two blocks north to what turns out to be "the other side of town." I found the Clerk of Courts office. Surprisingly, it was empty except for a few people behind the counter. I give them my name, they look me up and tell me how much I owe. I walk across the street to the Bank of America ATM (gasp! technology!) walk back to the office, pay my fine, get my receipts and I'm done. Fifteen minutes tops.

Since the bus driver takes a lunch break and doesn't run until 1 o'clock, and because I haven't eaten anything by this point, I go get some lunch. I decided on a little place called Tupelo's, since everything else but the Bandido's was closed. I had an awesome sandwich which I swear was the highlight of the day. It was a BLT on pumpernickel, except that the "T" was actually fried green tomatoes. Okay, living in the South does have certain advantages. Once I was finished, I had to go to the patisserie. On King Street, there is a real French patisserie, run by a real French dude. Two shops down is a Cup A Joe coffee shop. In between? A bait and tackle shop. I kid you not. I got my blueberry turnover and Earl Grey tea, opted to forego the nightcrawlers on this trip, and walked to the police station to catch the bus.

The ride back was significantly less interesting, but took just as long since there was a lot of traffic. The Chapel Hill buses go across the UNC campus, which takes forever since there are students galore milling about. While I was waiting in Chapel Hill for the bus I popped in Light Years and bought myself a new scarf and walked across the street to Sugarland for a red velvet cupcake. Like I said, living in the South isn't all bad.

I didn't get home until 4. By that time, I was tired, cranky, and just wanted to be home. By the time I got home, I was fairly certain that, if I had to speak to another person, either flames would shoot out my mouth, or pea soup as my head spun around. Essentially, it took me four and a half hours to run a fifteen minute errand. There's not enough red velvet cake in the world to make that better.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Now, that's cold.

Couple sought in bus stop robberies.

I just have one question. Does his neck say "Map Town?"

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Hey, hey, hey!

Now that we have the change we need, and I have recruited one more follower (cue evil laugh), it's time to get back to bus riding.

Bigman was there today, in all his pathological glory. He was wearing a red fleece pullover and a white collared shirt. If it weren't for the khaki pants, I swear it was this guy. He was, as usual, rocking back and forth, adding imaginary numbers, and so on, and so on, and so on. At some point, I noticed his hands. Dude get manicured. I hate that his nails look better than mine. No, I won't get close enough to take a picture of his hands, so don't even ask. It makes me wonder if he gets pedicures too. No, wait, I just threw up a little. Nevermind. What was funny, or sad depending on how you look at it, I prefer funny because that's just who I am...anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, so, he was on his usual throne. There were three people who sat in the seat next to him, all of whom moved rather abruptly once The Bigman Show started.

In other news, Elvis lost a tooth tonight. He's four months old, right in prime teething time for kittens. He was kind enough to spit it out on the sofa for me. Thanks, buddy. Then he tried to eat it again. Now I'm all paranoid he'll swallow all the others and I'll have to spend thousands on gastrointestinal repair. And because I know you're dying to see it, here's Elvis's tooth. With a dime for reference, rather than a quarter, because it's so tiny.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009


I just found out that Mr Luke Song of Detroit made Aretha's hat and it was only $179!!!! I found his website, which does not have Aretha's hat unfortunately. Now most of these beauties aren't all that suited to wear outside the local AME church, but they are all really cool. I especially like the second one, the olive green cloche.

Does anyone know where I can get this hat?

Seriously, y'all know I would totally wear this hat on the bus. I want one.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

This is the way a President should speak.

In case you missed it, here is a link to President Obama's Inaugural Address, with both text and video.

My President

Congratulations to Barack Hussein Obama, the 44th President of the United States of America. I, like so many others, never thought I would see this historic event so early in my life. I never thought two key Southern states would have given their Electoral votes to a democrat, let alone a black man. I look forward to the next four years, to progress and to the positive changes the United States needs. Thank you, Mr. Obama, and godspeed.

Ps. Michelle, I love the outfit you were wearing this morning!

Snow day!

My building

Hillsborough Street

Monday, January 19, 2009

Let it snow!

Raleigh is gearing up for snow. It looks like we will get at least a few inches tomorrow. Personally, I'm hoping for a foot. In years past, we expected to get a few inches and ended up with almost two feet. I'm hoping this will happen again.

Zelma, I'll holla if I need your mad snow shoveling skills.

A just and lasting peace.

"With malice towards none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation's wounds, to care for him who shall have borne the battle and for his widow and his orphan, to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations."

-final paragraph of the second inaugural address of Abraham Lincoln, 1865.

The prize we sought is won.

By Walt Whitman, published 1865, inspired by the assasination of Abraham Lincoln.

193. O Captain! My Captain!


O CAPTAIN! my Captain! our fearful trip is done;
The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won;
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring:
But O heart! heart! heart!
O the bleeding drops of red,
Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.


O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells;
Rise up—for you the flag is flung—for you the bugle trills;
For you bouquets and ribbon’d wreaths—for you the shores a-crowding;
For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;
Here Captain! dear father!
This arm beneath your head;
It is some dream that on the deck, You’ve fallen cold and dead.


My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still;
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will;
The ship is anchor’d safe and sound, its voyage closed and done;
From fearful trip, the victor ship, comes in with object won;
Exult, O shores, and ring, O bells!
But I, with mournful tread,
Walk the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.

Goin' for the Six Pack!

Congratulations to the Pittsburgh Steelers on their latest AFC championship! They head to the Super Bowl in two weeks to beat the Arizona Cardinals.

Read more about it here, here, and here.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Long live The King.

Meet my new furry friend. I was the fourth or fifth person to submit an application to adopt him from 2 Paws Up Rescue. I was told on Christmas Eve my application was the only one approved to adopt him. Due to a nasty eye infection, it was about three weeks before he could come home. I picked him up today around 12:30. About five minutes after we got home, he was napping on my bed. He's been following me around the apartment. His fur is bunny rabbit soft and miraculously he doesn't seem to shed. I'm not sure if he's stopped purring since I brought him home. This super mellow cat loves to be held. He is about four months old and weighs about 6 pounds.

While he was laying on the sofa, I asked him if I could call him Elvis. He stood up, meowed, and licked my nose. Elvis it is! And he's a keeper!

Hello. My name is Elvis.

Why, thank you. I will make myself comfortable.

Smell my paw and guess where I've been. Go ahead. Guess.

I think he's moved in.

Welcome home Whats-his-name!

The kitten just arrived! Pictures coming soon! He still doesn't have a name.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

James, revisited.

Last Thursday, I went to Wake Tech to speak with the head of the culinary department, but that's a story for another day. I got to take one of the shuttles to campus. Turns out that the bus I was on was one of the two new electric buses the city just bought to become the Downtown Circulator. The buses are so cool. Most of the seats in the front are sideways and it has a small tv in the front. Riding sideways usually makes me sick, but this was a very smooth ride. Ironic that I take public transportation so often when I get vertigo at the drop of a hat. Anyway, a gazillion 18 year olds and I pile onto this bus and head to campus. When my meeting finished, I went to wait for the bus to take me back to downtown. Guess who came over to catch the bus? James. Remember James? In this post, I talked about seeing James and his menagerie of paper buses. Due to the number of people who take the Wake Tech bus, they run two buses all day. The first bus that arrived was one of the old red and white Wolfline buses the city bought from NCSU. James declares to me and the other passenger waiting, "I am not getting on that bus." I asked him why not. He responded simply, "because its ugly." He correctly sensed I was not satisfied and went on to deliver a laundry list of reasons why the city needed to give up that bus. He delightfully advised me the bus was made by the Blue Bird Corporation in such and such year, it has a propensity to break down more often that the others, it rattles, etc. etc. etc. His final argument as to why CAT should retire permanently that bus...because he's been telling them to. Upon completion of his soliloquy, I said, "hey, I know you. I mean, I don't really know you, but I've seen you before," to which he started grinning like Rupert Grint being seen in public for the first time after Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone's worldwide release! I get the impression he thought he was a local celebrity. Naturally, I got on the electric bus with him as I was not ready to end my observation. After all, I have readers to think of. This guy is a bus fanatic. He stood in the front and gabbed with the driver the whole time. I was even able to get a photo for you. I asked him where he got the paper buses. He told me I looked on the site and can't find what he has, but it's a cool site anyway. Maybe he belongs to the Yahoo Group.

I have to say that I found James to be a very intelligent young man, very well spoken and rather quirky. I rather enjoyed my conversation with him and hope to engage him in a transit related conversation in the future.

James, in his natural habitat. We found the subject to be most gentle, willing to interact with us. It appears he does not spook easily and was eager to display his plumage of paper and school glue.

By the way, I just joined the Paper Bus Yahoo Group and will keep you posted!

How long are you going to live?

Good news, peeps. You can expect Meg On The Bus to be around for a long, long time. I took this quiz on the Interweb and it looks like I'm going to live to be 88.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Kinky Jones said I could compete next week, if I wanted to.

If you find yourself in Austin on a Thursday and you need some cash fast, check this place out.

I shall refrain from making jokes about it being loaded.

This one's for Kristina.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Looks like all that book learnin' paid off.

On the ride home tonight, I sat across the aisle from Dancing Queen. I saw that she was reading a book, but didn't pay much attention to what book. I looked over again, because, let's face it, I'm damn nosy. The writing was in Arabic script. At first and based on previous eavesdropped conversations, I thought she was faking it. Not wanting to disappoint you, I kept watching her. I think I am going out on a limb here and give her the benefit of the doubt. I think she might be able to read it for reals. She was at least turning the pages in the right direction and holding the book right side up.

It's a start.

Monday, January 12, 2009

How To Tip Of The Day: How to win friends and influence people!

Wiki-How never ceases to amaze me. There is no shortage of odd, questionable or just flat out bizarre "how to" tips on that website. For example, there's How To Be Feminine. Turns out it doesn't involve wearing a lot of pink. Looks like I got that one wrong! Another personal favorite is How To Live A Double Life. You may now call me Rodolfo Weatherwax. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to put on my fake moustache.

Certainly one of my biggest concerns about Wiki-Anything is its "For The People, By The People" spirit. As in, anyone with internet access can edit it or post an article. It is with a heavy heart that I announce to you today that The Internets are not as exclusive a club as they used to be. Alas. What are you going to do? Move to the Montana wilderness and type my blog on a manual typewriter, perhaps?

Another concern that I have with the wacky Wiki-How articles is that people take them so seriously. For example, we have How To Choose The Right Bottled Water. Jeez, I sure hope I don't get it wrong.

I thought you might be interested in this article I found this morning on my Google Homepage. How To Talk To Strangers is important stuff here, people. It'll help you get over those feelings of loneliness and loserdom.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Say my name, bitch! Say it! *cracking whip noise*

Okay, time to come clean. Against my better judgement, I, um, well, I kind of, uh, ahem, signedupforeharmonyagain. I am such a loser. Unless it actually works out okay, in which case...YAY! I do have to say, this time I've only been matched with one Indian dude. He didn't even have a moustache. I can't believe it.


Dr. Neil seems to think I would be compatible with Terry, 42, Hillsborough, NC, among other people. In your profile, one of the questions is "what are you most passionate about?" Here is part of Terry's response to that question.

"I am also passionate and can be quite adventuresome and intense when it comes to sexuality and the boudoir."

Say what? Like chain-me-to-a-water-pipe-in-the-basement-with-a-ball-gag-in-my-mouth adventurous? Like my-nipples-hooked-up-to-your-jumper-cables intense? Cuz, I'm not sure that's what Dr Neil had in mind when he asked you that question. Just sayin' is all.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go break Terry's heart.

Kiss the boot of shiny, shiny leather
Shiny leather in the dark
Tongue of thongs, the belt that does await you
Strike, dear mistress, and cure his heart

Severin, severin, speak so slightly
Severin, down on your bended knee
Taste the whip, in love not given lightly
Taste the whip, now plead for me

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Is it safe?

I went to the dentist today. I hate going to the dentist. I had my teeth cleaned in November for the first time in seven years. That's how much I hate going to the dentist. I had to get two fillings on the left side, in the back. Because it had been so long since my last visit, I had sort of forgotten what getting a filling entails.

But first, I digress. I hate needles. A lot. Now, I can deal with getting a shot, because it's generally quick and the needle is small. Having blood drawn is a whole nother ballgame, as they say here in the South. The needles are larger, I can feel them in my vein, and it takes a lot longer. I was 17 when I went away to college. I, like every other new coed in the history of higher education, had to get a physical. That physical included blood work. My mom took me to an urgent care because I didn't have a doctor at the time. I was so upset at the prospect of getting blood drawn that I cried. Hard. The doctor came in, and in his best bedside manner, sat down next to me on the table to talk to me. In his most "I'm really concerned that you'd be better off in a mental institution than a university" voice asked me what was wrong. Was everything okay? Was there something the blood work might reveal that I didn't want my mom to know? He actually did not believe me that I was that needle-phobic. He finally let it go, but I don't think he was convinced.

Here we are back in present time. I still have big time needle-phobia, or belonephobia (your SAT word for the day). I'm in my dentist office. Let me tell you about my dentist. Dr Patterson. I randomly picked him because his office is near where I live and on a bus line. I also picked him because I read For Better of For Worse and the father, Dr. Patterson, was a dentist. I figured, with the same name, he has to be a good guy. To my surprise, my dentist was quite young, around my age probably. And HOT.

So, here I am in the office of Hottie-Pants, DDS, laying back in this lounge chair when he sticks this Q-tip(tm) in mouth. It tastes like pina colada at first and it's supposed to numb my mouth a little. The pina colada taste quickly wears off to taste like medicine. Gross! He removes the Q-tip(tm) from my mouth and tells me he's going to give me a shot to numb my mouth. Whachoo talkin' 'bout, Willis? Determined not to cry in what is only my second meeting with Hottie-Pants, DDS, I was quite composed. Yes, both my heart rate and blood pressure rose to record highs, I squeaked a little, but I didn't cry. I believe I felt my throat closing up a little, but I didn't cry. He tells me to chill for five minutes and he'll be back. When he returns, I starts poking in my mouth to see if the Novocaine has kicked in. It did not. In an effort to recreate that pivotal scene in Marathon Man, he sticks another needle in my mouth, which is pried open by two people as far as it will go in every direction possible. For those of you that don't remember, getting Novocaine is not like getting a flu shot. They have to go kind of slowly when giving you the shot and they have to be sure they hit several key nerves. Uh huh. Yeah. This time, I fought back tears. I think I freaked him out a little. After the second shot, he waited a few more minutes for it to kick in. We talked about the weather and the new surgery wing of the hospital across the street. Again he poked around in my mouth to see if I could feel it. I could. I told him I could not. He removed an old filling and gave me two new ones fairly quickly. When he was done, he asked me how it was and if I could feel anything. At that point, I told him I could still feel a little pain but told him I couldn't because I didn't want another needle in my mouth. He looked upset, like he felt bad. I tried to tell him I had a high threshold for pain so it was okay. He still looked like he felt bad.

The left half of my mouth was numb for the better part of the day. I came home and slept for two hours. Since my mouth was still pretty numb, I heated up some refried beans. I ate squishy foods until pretty late in a vain attempt to not bite my tongue. Unfortunately, I bit my tongue about three times, without knowing it. My mouth still hurts a little.

The best part is that I have to go back next month for two more fillings on the other side. Oh. Joy.

Netflix, anyone?

I've had a Netflix subscription for years. Pretty much since it started. I love it. In the past year or two maybe, they've begun allowing people with PCs to watch movies instantly through the computer, now also a device that connects to the tv and the Xbox 360. Whatever. I am proud to live a Microsoft-free life. In the past two weeks, they've finally begun allowing people with Macs to watch movies instantly.

Don't get me wrong, I liked Netflix a lot in the past. Now? Well, let's just say, "OH MY FREAKING YOU KNOW WHO I LOVE NETFLIX MORE THAN EVER!" Yes, peeps, I can watch movies instantly. You know what this means, don't you? I can watch Weird Science and Eraserhead any time I want. Instantly. Seriously. Anthony Michael Hall in his finest movie, with a soundtrack provided by Oingo Boingo. If you'll excuse me, I have to figure out what pocket protector I'm going to wear tomorrow.

If you haven't signed up for Netflix, you now have no excuse.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Traffic report

I've been meaning to take pictures of the traffic around here to give you an idea of why I take the bus. Today, I was sitting in the front. I have stopped caring that other people on the bus think I'm nuts. "Bollocks to them," I say!

I have a friend who lives just north of Williamsburg, in the country. He occasionally comes to Rocky Mount to work. Last time we talked, he told me the only decent radio station he gets comes from Raleigh. He marvels that the evening traffic and accident report takes 15 minutes. I'm surprised it's that short.

Again, I can only do so much with the 2 megapixel camera, but thats all white headlights on the left and all red lights on the right. Bumper to bumper in both directions. With the exception of Mexico DF, can any other city claim rush hour traffic as bad?

And if you act now, we'll double your order!

We've been having really wacky weather recently. Lots of rain, 40 mph wind gusts, a lot of fog, and, just for fun, as I was leaving to get Chinese food tonight, hail. Quarter of an inch hail. Pelting me in the head. And my left eye. However, as you can see the proverbial silver lining in this craptacular weather pattern was a double rainbow as I was leaving work today. I should have taken pictures of all of the people who pulled over their cars to take pictures! This was especially amazing because it was two full arcs, and you could see all of the colors. Amazing. It made my day that so many people were just a captivated as I was.

Sadly, the 2 megapixel iPhone camera doesn't do it justice. The rainbows were so intensely colored.

And because I know you are all dying to know what my hair looked like after several days of 40 mph wind, here ya go. I'm not going to bother to comb it until this is all over. Hopefully I'll find that bobbypin some day.

Ask and ye shall receive, or Google, I wish I could quit you.

Lonely Planet Burmese Phrase Guide as found on Google Books. Because the book has active copywrite protection, many pages were missing. Okay, a lot of pages were missing. It looks like the CIA posted it actually. However, I think I have enough to tell her hello, my name, and have a nice day.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Did I mention I love love love infomercials?

Go here for more gems.

This one's even better.

Get Snuggie!

When I was home at Thanksgiving, my parents were threatening to buy these for each other. At Christmas, they were still at it.

Parlez-vous Myanmar?

I may have mentioned in the past that there is a woman who rides my bus named Ma. I know her name is Ma because she was wearing a name tag from the Radisson, where I am pretty sure she works in housekeeping. Under her name on the tag it says "Burma." She doesn't speak much, if any, English. A while ago, she suddenly became every excited to see me, like I was her old friend. I mean, I've always said hello to her because I see her everyday, but she'd get a huge smile and start waving.

Today, Ma saw me as we were waiting to get on the bus. She smiled and waved. She got on the bus before me and found a seat upstairs in the back. When I got on the bus, most of the seats in front were taken up by smelly people, so I started to go upstairs too. She saw me and pointed to the seat across from her. That was kind of the end of it. She didn't say anything else to me after I sat down.

I really, really want to be able to say hello to her in her language. Does anyone know of a good online resource to learn Burmese (Myanmar)? If it matters, I think she might be from the Karen province. It seems we have a fair number of Karen refugees here.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

More good news for Triangle bus riders!

I for one am looking forward to the Downtown Circulator. I think this is one of the best ideas the city has had in a long, long time. (Especially since it'll go through my neighborhood.) Go here for more information.

From New York City

Complaint: NYC matron knowingly left man on bus

Good news for Wake Tech students.

This article comes just in time. I have to go to Wake Tech on Thursday! I took an online class last semester and still have a current id card.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Today's Horoscope for Libra

"You may have an idea of which chores you should do today, but chances are you still won't do them. Even if you were planning on doing things around the house, you might discover that you're more interested in giving yourself a real day off. Then again, if you can get into a creative flow that puts you in touch with your inner child, that's even better. Find a way to express yourself playfully."

Wow. Another good one. I went to the house of some friends last night, good food, good wine, good friends. This morning? No hangover, which was surprising, but plenty tired. Today's agenda? The Monk marathon on USA Network and five naps. I feel good about this. Really good about this.