...and you can go to Helen Hunt for it, part three.

While I am at a loss as to how something like this gets left behind at the Transfer Center, I think I am more baffled why someone is carrying around these two items to begin with. Why would you walk around with a salt shaker and a steak knife? Anyone have any ideas?

...and you can go to Helen Hunt for it, part two.

I found this at the TTA Transfer Center two days ago. If you look closely, you may be able to see the tiny yellow pool in the bottom of the urinal bedpan thingy. Personally, if you need to carry around a roll of toilet paper and a urine bottle, it doesn't seem like the kind of thing you abandon just because your Crazy Bag Lady cart has blow out. Maybe that's just me.

Bus stop, bus go, she stays love grows, under my umbrella

Last week sometime I lost my umbrella, presumably on the bus. I went to the lost and found and described my umbrella to the nice customer service lady. She gave what I thought was my umbrella and I went on my way. Once I got on the bus, I realized I did not have my umbrella and promptly returned the one I had. I figured that someone had found and kept my umbrella, which made me a little upset. Turns out, I was sort of right.

Today is Thursday, which means Boyfriend is driving. As I am getting on the bus, he's digging through his bag and says to me, "I have something for you." My initial thought is..."your undying love and devotion?" Alas, it was only my umbrella. I sit down and he starts talking to me. He tells me how after I got off the bus last week, some guy sat in my seat, saw my umbrella and told him about it. He then says that he told the guy he knew who's it was and that he'd hang on to it. Boyfriend tells me how he's been using it this past week. My inner 7th grader is all like, "Oh, okay, you can keep it if you want" but all I can manage to say is "Yeah, it has been rainy, hasn't it?" Oy. I swear there's a part of me, the part that talks to cute boys, that never grew up.

I was talking to a coworker about how I returned the other umbrella to the lost and found because it wasn't mine and that I was hoping someone else would do the same. He essentially told me I was crazy and the last honest person on earth. That makes me really sad. Why not return it? It's not mine. I didn't pay for it. Is it really that crazy that I'd return an umbrella that wasn't mine? I bought fresh radishes the other day. I had two bunches in the bag, but the cashier only rang up one. So I told her there were two in the bag. Recently at the Farmer's Market, I was given back too much change. So I returned it. Is this behavior really *that* odd? Am I that much of a freak? Okay, wait. Don't answer that.

Now if you'll excuse me, my inner 7th grader has to go build a shrine to my umbrella.

Somewhere inside me there is a tiny Jewish grandmother trying to get out.

During the summer, the buses have a hard time with the heat, particularly on the 95+ degree days we have here. The TTA has been parking an empty bus here and here around the Triangle, so it's ready and waiting when a bus in use breaks down. They leave an extra one in downtown Raleigh, downtown Durham, at the District Drive Park and Ride, at the Transfer Center, etc. This is a great policy. There was one day the my bus broke down in front of the Vet School. Within ten minutes, a new bus was there ready to go. They have also been keeping a mechanic handy at the Transfer Center. That mechanic is Lester. Lester is the nicest guy in the world. He always comes to ask me how my day was. He says when he hits the lottery, he's going to buy the TTA new buses and himself a hammock to tie up between these two trees at the Transfer Center. I see Lester every day, so naturally we've become quite friendly. He works two jobs. The other one is at a drug company fixing the equipment. To be honest here, there's something about Lester that reminds me a little of my grandfather, which is why I think I like him so much. As usual, I saw Lester today. He wasn't feeling well, but he was there to make sure the buses were running, out in the wind and rain. I am making a batch of matzo ball soup and will bring him some tomorrow. That should fix him up real good.

The matzo ball soup got me thinking. My friend Jake and I have been scheming for as long as I can remember, trying to come up with a food booth we can set up at the NC State Fair. Jake is, according to his wife, "Jew-ish." I think we've tossed around the idea of selling his Heeb-B-Q. He makes a fantastic smoked pork butt, North Carolina style. My latest idea is Jewish fair food. "Rabbi Jake's, Good For What Ails Ya!" will have deep fried matzo balls, brisket on a stick, gefilte fish on a stick...you can see where this is going, can't you? I think this is it. The Million Dollar Idea! We'll make everything Kosher. Our truck will have a picture of him dressed like a Hassidic Rabbi. It'll be awesome. What do you think?

Redneck DUI

This makes me wonder why I have never watched Reno 911.

Blog post, untitled

I had to catch the bus on Miami Boulevard today. It was windy and rainy today. I was wearing a button up shirt that was a little fitted and a little flared at the bottom, you know the typical woman's dress shirt. As I was standing at the bus stop, a gust of wind started to blow the bottom of my shirt up. I caught it just in time, right as an 18 wheeler truck went speeding by and honked at me. Yes, yes, I am *that* hot.

Tonight, I had to do laundry. As in, if I don't do laundry tonight, I go to work naked tomorrow. I washed everything I have tonight, except the yoga pants, t-shirt and undies I am currently wearing. I mean everything. All five jeans, all of my black t-shirts...every last one of them people!...ever-ree-thing-uh. And I am pleased to say I got it all in in three loads. I rewarded myself with a lime popsicle (from mi novio on the bike). Of course, every surface in my apartment, both vertical and horizontal, is now covered with clothing in varying degrees of dampness. In the course of doing laundry, I found a golf tee bouncing around in the dryer with my load of undies and pajamas and one freshly bleached and laundered pair of men's Hanes tightey whities hanging on the drying rack. Oh the joys of shared laundry facilities.

I have made the decision to not go anywhere for Labor Day. I am actually going to stay home for three days in a row. What a novel concept.

Cross Eyed Mary fell asleep on the bus tonight. It was the funniest thing. Passengers usually pass out. Some peoples' heads roll back and hit the handle thingy on the seat and sit bolt upright. Others' heads loll to the side. Pretty much what you'd see on an airplane, right? Not her. She was sitting perfectly still and upright, with her eyes closed. She was holding her left hand up, in a fist, like she was giving blood. She sat in that position for a while and finally opened her eyes, blinked a few times and looked around, like she had been sleeping.

It's deja vu all over again, or Oh hai. Can I has a ride? Part Deux

This morning, I woke up at 6:15 AM as usual. I took a shower, got dressed, threw breakfast and lunch together and went out the door. I got to my bus stop at 6:55 AM, as usual. The bus arrived to whisk me off the RTP as it does five days a week. I arrived at my office at 7:57, as usual. I got logged in to my computer on time and proceeded to make myself a cup of tea and fill my trusty grey Nalgene bottle and waked back to my desk.

Everything about my day until this point was routine, with one exception. When I got dressed this morning, I failed to zip my pants. One of these days, I swear I will get it all together BEFORE I leave the house. I swear.

I ran by the pharmacy and the Fresh Market after work. I just had to show you what I got.

A wee caramel mousse, before


A wee caramel mousse, after


I know the picture is a bit fuzzy, I'm still getting used to the new camera. If you have a Fresh Market nearby, you should go. Their pastry case will make everything better.

"Tell her what she's won, Bob!"

I haven't seen Bob since I yelled at him last week, was it? I got to the Transfer Center before my second bus arrived, the bus that brings Bob into my life every morning. I happened to be standing exactly where the doors would open when the bus stopped. I saw Bob sitting in the front of the bus. He apparently saw me. Before the bus stopped, I saw him get up and run to the back door. He practically tripped over himself and everyone else. The second the doors opened, he bolted out the door and around the back. He didn't stop. He didn't wave. He didn't look at me. It appears, loyal readers, I may finally be Bob Free. I think in this one instance, I would prefer to be feared rather than liked.

While I am feeling pretty smug at the moment, I can't rule out the possibility of my spending eternity in bits and pieces in his tote bags. Speaking of his tote bags, y'all...he only had one this morning. Normally he has three or four, thus proving my theory that you can tell how nuts someone is by the number of tote bags they carry on the bus. Maybe the meds are finally kicking in?

Now I remember why I haven't been to a Denny's in 12 years.

I went to see my doctor today because I haven't been sleeping, well, at all recently. When I was leaving to catch the bus, I had about thirty minutes before the bus arrived. I was a little hungry and walked over to the Denny's figuring I could get a grilled cheese quickly. (mmm, grilled cheese. the reason I will never be vegan) When I walked in, I was greeted by Carmen who asked if I wanted to see a menu. I asked her if they made a grilled cheese and told her that's what I wanted. I asked if I could get it to go. Carmen walks over to the register and starts to ring me up. She says it comes with fries. Since I plan on walking over to the bus stop while I am eating this, I say I want to pass on the fries. Big mistake.

"But it comes with fries." Clearly I have offended Carmen on many levels.

"No, thanks. I just want a grilled cheese." Confused look.

"Can they just not put fries in the bag?"

"But it comes with fries."

"Look, I have to catch a bus in 20 minutes. All I want is the sandwich."

"Let me see if we can do that." She calls a manager.

"You have to see if it's okay to not serve someone fries?"

"You don't want fries?" says the mamanger with a very confused look on her face.

"Seriously, I don't. Call me crazy. The bus is coming in 15 minutes. I'm just a little hungry. I don't want to miss my bus."

"Do you want a salad or soup or..." I cut her off. Soup? It's 95 out today and I'm walking down the street.

"All I want is a grilled cheese sandwich. And a Coke. That's it. Is that possible?"

"Yeah, okay. We can't charge you less. Some people get really mad."

"Right now, I couldn't care less. Please. The bus is coming."

Finally, they ring me up. They are still confused.

Carmen walks by with a handful of ketchup packs and a plastic bag with plastic cutlery. I stop her. "I don't need all of that. Can they just wrap the sandwich in some foil?" says I.

"Oh yeah, okay. You don't need this?" says she.

A minute later she returns and hands me a giant plastic bag which contains a big styrofoam box which contains my precious grilled cheese. She grabs a couple napkins and hands them to me while she says, "have a nice day! Come back and see us soon!"

"Unlikely," I reply. Her response was another confused look.

In their defense, it was one of the best damn grilled cheese sandwiches I've ever had.

Oh hai. Can I has a ride?

I left work this evening like I do every evening and walked down to Miami Boulevard to catch the bus. For those of you outside the Triangle, Miami Boulevard is a very busy road in what's called Research Triangle Park, or RTP. This where most people in this area work, at companies like IBM, Glaxo, and BASF. Needless to say, this hotbed of science and technology creates a lot of traffic. I had to run across Miami then walk a little ways to get to the bus stop. I was wearing a button up shirt today and as usual, had my backpack on. As I step onto the grass on the side of the road, I realize a button has come undone on my shirt. The one right in the middle that contains The Ladies. So, I'm walking down the side of one of the busiest roads in RTP, buttoning my shirt, and I realize no one has slowed down or honked or anything. Hey...what am I? Chopped liver? Not that I wasn't totally embarassed, but c'mon, I'm kinda cute! Jeez. Tough crowd.

I am happy to report that Funquita drove like a normal person today. She was actually able to deliver me to Hillsborough Street so that I could get to the art supply store before they closed. With time to spare. Clearly she knew how important it was for me to pick up black paint and a tiny brush to finish Ian's canvases tonight.

On my way home, I saw The Popsicle Bike. Recently, I have seen this young Hispanic kid in a bike, riding up and down Hillsborough Street. On the front of the bike is a big cooler, full of popsicles. I was finally in a position to stop him today. I was on the phone with L, told her I had to go, and hung up on her. (Sorry, L) He was on the other side of the street, on the same block, headed away from me. I started running up a slight hill, in a skirt no less, waving my lunch box, shouting, "Hey, Ese!" I finally got his attention and made a mad dash across the street. Without thinking, I started talking to him in Spanish. I was naturally out of breath by this point. We talked about what he was peddling, for whom he works, etc. He was thrilled I could speak Spanish. He wanted to know where I lived. While staring at my living room window, I said "near here." He wanted to know if I was married. I said I was not. He confirmed I was single and offered to take me to Mexico. (In Mexico, Meg-worship is fanatical. What can I say? I'm hot stuff.) I purchased four popsicles, tamarind, pineapple, lime, and rice, and went on my way. These pops were about twice the size of Locopops and only $1.50 each. I opened the rice popsicle when I got home. It was divine. It tasted like rice pudding. It was milk based, with actual rice and cinnamon in it. Very tasty. Looks like my boyfriend has a repeat customer. Better hurry before we run off to Oaxaca to elope.

And if you look to your right, you can see....

Floyd drives my second bus, the one that gets me to work. Floyd has white hair, cut like a fuzzy military cut and sounds like he's from one of the lesser populated areas of Western North Carolina. He wears pinky rings on both hands. He's a super nice guy, and he seems to have to 10-100 a lot. I like Floyd. He's good people.

On the way to work, we cross two sets of railroad tracks. The drivers have to stop and open the doors before proceeding across the the tracks. As Floyd pulled up to the first set of tracks, he calls to everyone on the bus to look out the left windows. "Y'all, look over there at those deer." He points to the mother deer and two spotted babies grazing by the tracks. The mom deer looks up at us, I assume she thinks, "Meh," and goes back to grazing. The two babies freak out a little and start to head back to the woods.

"Isn't that pretty?" adds Floyd as he lingers a bit longer than usual before crossing the tracks. It was lovely.

Still alive!

No Bob sighting this morning!

This may very well be the last post I ever write.

I have been a wee sleep deprived this week. Thus I am not thinking as clearly as expected. I was waiting at the Transfer Center this morning for the 48 to arrive. When it did, Bob got off. As usual, he walked past me and waved. As usual, I ignored him. He started to walk away, turned around and came back. He was standing in front of me waving at me again. I shouted. "Leave me alone!" He starts to walk off then turns around again. I shouted, "I don't want to be your friend, you freak." He finally walked off.

There are two possible outcomes in this situation. Number One. He never so much as looks at me again. Number Two. The FBI finds my severed head in his green recycled Harris Teeter tote bag and my naked taxidermied body in his living room.

It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.

Heeeere Precious.

Moore Square Transit Mall, demystified

I'd like to think taking a CAT bus is simple, but it's not always. There may be times when you need to go to Moore Square, either because you live near there or because you have to transfer to another bus. Once you become a little familiar with the set up, it will feel a little more user friendly. If you're like me, you'll probably only take the same couple of buses and soon you'll know just where to go! Right now I am addressing the CAT bus system. In subsequent posts, I will talk about the TTA and then both systems together.

Moore Square is divided into five zones. Red, Blue, Yellow, Green and Purple. Click here to view a map of Moore Square. All buses enter from the south on Martin Street and exit to the north on Hargett Street, with the exception of the Yellow Zone, which exits to the east and the south on Blount. You should also be aware that your bus entering the transit station may not continue as that bus. For example, I was on the No. 21 coming home from the Farmer's Market one Saturday. To get to my apartment, I can take the 2, 4, 6, 8, or 16. No. 21 leaves from the Yellow Zone. Nos. 2 and 4 leave from the Blue Zone, and the rest leave from the Red Zone. I was expecting the 21 to continue as the 21. Nope. In what turned out to be a great stroke of good luck, it turned into the No. 8 which stops in front of my building. Considering I had more veggies than I could carry, I was pleased.

Also, be aware that the driver will not give you a transfer ticket at Moore Square. This baffles me, but whatever. The rules are the rules. If you know you need another bus, ask for a transfer when you get on the bus. Or better yet, pony up the $2 for a Raleigh day pass and don't worry about it. If you have to get a day pass, tell the driver BEFORE you put your money in the machine.

I have found the City Kitty drivers to be a little less than customer service oriented, possibly due to the characters they serve. I have also found that saying hello when I get on the bus, can be helpful. Even if your driver is grumpy, do not hesitate to let the driver know you aren't sure where to get off. I had to go to the Wake Tech Health Campus the other day and my driver was happy to let me know when to get off.

In conclusion, here what you really need to know about the City Kitty in general and Moore Square in specific:

1. Here is the website for all of the CAT bus schedules. I think the schedules are pretty easy to read. In subsequent posts, I will go over more resources that help you figure out what bus you need.

2. The fare is $1 a trip unless you are a Senior or handicapped, then its fifty cents, or a kid under 40" tall then it's free. Wake County and City of Raleigh and State of North Carolina employees, NCSU and Meredith College students all ride for free with the proper identification. In most cases, it will probably be easier to tell the driver you want a CAT day pass before you insert any money then you don't have to worry about transfers and such. Just don't lose the day pass!

3. Take exact change. Use $1 bills, or better yet...bring quarters. Just don't be the asshole who pays with nickels.

4. There is an information booth in Moore Square Transit Mall. I suggest you use them as a last resort. Their information and attitude is a little less than what you'd expect, if you catch my drift. (Seriously, just email me, it'll be easier!)

5. The CAT drivers will help you figure out where to go if you ask for help.

6. Keep you eyes OPEN in Moore Square and on the bus. This is the time to channel your inner New Yorker. Moore Square isn't bad from a personal safety standpoint, but I can guarantee you I will not whip out my iPhone there either. Keep it simple, don't encourage trouble.

7. You can take a bike with you on a CAT bus. Here are the instructions on how to do it. (Yes, it's the TTA website, but the bike racks operate the same.)

8. Arrive about five minutes early to the stop. The buses will run a bit late on the weekends, but you should not.

9. For as cranky as CAT bus drivers can be, they will stop if they see you at a bus stop. It's not a bad idea to wave at the bus you need. I am acutely aware that I have to hail a bus here in the South and it depresses me on many levels.

10. Most importantly, have fun! Enjoy your surroundings. Keep an eye out for weirdness. Relax. Remember your doing good for the environment and your soul.

"It's like Christmas!" or Why I will never get a job as a professional organizer.

I wasn't planning on posting until tomorrow, but I can't pass up the opportunity to grant you a backstage pass into my little world.

Those who know me well, know I am not the most organized of people at home...yes, Leah, I'm looking at you. I can't say why that is. Perhaps the fiber crafts get the better of me. In 35 years, the neighbors will complain about the "weird" smell coming from apartment four and the maintenance guys will find my rotting corpse under 300 pounds of yarn and fabric. Maybe it's just that I am so damn organized and Johnny-on-the-spot at work that I have no energy left when I get home to even put away my shoes. Yeah, that's it. That's the ticket.

Whatevs, yo. Love me or leave me.

So, anyway...I finally found some shelves that will work for the living room in the apartment I moved into in mid-November. In my defense, I had the Santas and a month and a half later the Bunnies to contend with around the time I moved in. Okay? Right, so I have new shelves. I am finally getting around to unpacking the remaining few boxes of tchocktkes. I now present you with a smattering of what I have excavated from said boxes. Don't ask. Just kiss all three of my foreheads and tell me it'll be okay.

1. Six rolls of scotch tape

2. About $2 in pennies in a tiny jewelery case.

3. A fortune cookie, slightly worse for wear

4. Two pads of drawing paper

5. A set of graphite pencils (I knew I had those!)

6. A set of oil paints (I never use oil paints)

7. $30 Barbados

8. A skull and cross bones temporary tattoo left over from a bachelor party I hosted

9. A bazillion recipes and knitting patterns I printed out

10. Two knitting books I knew I had but for the life of me couldn't find

11. Four rolls of film, unexposed, two 35mm and two 120 (Yay! Photo safari!)

12. Two zippers, one red, one burgundy

13. A Grateful Dead bootleg cassette from a show I went to in college (There. I said it. My deep, dark secret is a love of the Dead. Sue me.)

14. My recipe notebook I kept when I had my first sous-chef gig.

And irony of great ironies...

15. A back issue of better Homes and Gardens with a cover that reads, "Get Organized!" Guess I should have opened that box first, huh?

The good news is that the living room looks awesome and feels like home. It no longer appears like crazy people live here. I am going to keep it like this. I swear.

Oh, the places you'll go!

It was brought to my attention that there are those amongst you who might like to take a City Kitty to get around Raleigh but don't know how. Well, dear readers, let me help you. We here at Chez Meg On The Bus feel public transportation should be accessible to everyone! Ride without fear my friends! Over the next few days I will be bringing you my sage guidance and sound advice on getting around not only Raleigh, but the Triangle with ease!

DID YOU KNOW....

you can take your bike with you?

you can get to Crabtree Mall, North Hills Mall and Southpoint Mall by bus?

the City Kitty runs on Sundays?

you can buy a day pass for Raleigh or the Triangle?

Yes, peeps. You can do all of that and more, without driving! I freely admit to having a long standing love affair with public transportation. Perhaps it stems from my long standing desire to feel like I live in a "real" city. I used to take the bus to Crabtree to do Christmas shopping. Parking there is such a nightmare after Turkey Day, so I'd take the bus. I didn't have to worry about where to park or where I left my car! While I was in school, I didn't have a parking sticker for campus and got sick of all of those parking tickets. When I lived to far to walk, I'd take the bus.

I will arm you with the resources you need to ride stress-free. I am fairly certain that all of my friends in Raleigh live within a few blocks or so of a bus line. Unless you tell me otherwise, I will go with that assumption.

Tune in tomorrow for Lesson One: Moore Square Transit Station! See you then!

This very comprehensive video answers all of my questions except one. Why?

I admit my ignorance in not understanding why you would want to make one of these.

And the poster-board mold looks like it would fit dear Irene as a hat.

How to light a grill with liquid oxygen, or How to blow up your friends, family and a picnic shelter in 2 seconds or less.

Don't show this one to Ian.

How to make a smoke bomb with colored smoke.

If I ever get to this point, shoot me. Seriously. Just. Shoot. Me.

The blog post in which we begin our presentation of a series of How To videos.

There has been nothing exciting to report from the bus since the stinky man and the bee sting. My elbow feels better, thank you. Recently, the Red Headed Stranger has been chatting me up. I like it. I believe he is actually much smarter than I previously gave him credit. He's still really cute. Unfortunately, I don't see him very often.

Since I have nothing much to say, I thought I'd bring you a series of How To videos, compliments of You Tube. I found this by way of Angry Chicken. May I present....

How To Make Your Own Granny Panties!

Mother Nature hates me.

I mentioned in my previous post that I was smacked in the kisser by a sycamore branch on my way to work on Saturday. On my way home from the grocery store on Sunday I had another run in with nature.

I took the Number 4 to Whole Foods. I stopped in the Rite Aid and Quail Ridge Books also since they are in the same shopping center. I finished my errands with about 20 minutes to spare so I crossed Wade Ave to the bus stop with the benches and sat down. I had a bag on wheels (yes, I know it makes me look crazy, but $100 of groceries from WFM is still heavy!) and a bag over my shoulder. I saw the bus coming and walked over to the side of the road. The bus pulled up and the doors opened, I hiked up the bag over my shoulder. Just as I did that, I felt a very sharp pain in my elbow just as something flew away. I knew right away I had been stung by a bee.

I have a number of crazy allergies, including penicillin, amoxicillin, a couple other antibiotics, and possibly vinyl. My coworker, Ty, was telling me the other day about getting stung by a bee on his deck. This crazy bee kept following him. Ty would go inside thinking in vain the bee would buzz off (Ha! Couldn't resist. Sorry.). Each time Ty went back out to tend to the grill, Buzzy was waiting. Finally, the last time Ty goes out, Buzzy makes a bee line (You knew that was coming.) for Ty's ear and stings him. His ear! Yowzers!

I've never been stung by a bee and didn't know if I was allergic or not. Good news. I didn't die. By the time I got home, my elbow was totally swollen and red. It hurts like hell. Another coworker thinks I might have an allergy. My elbow was still red and swollen today. It itches like crazy. I don't think I want to get stung by a bee again. Ever.

I think I'm going to spend the rest of the week indoors before I get carried off by crows or something.

Today's Forecast: Hot with a 10% chance of being able to sit down for five minutes.

I had to work today. This would annoy me to no end if I did not get in a nice seven mile bike ride. Sadly, on the way to work, I was bitch-slapped by a sycamore tree. This did not make me happy. I swear it stuck a branch out just as I was riding by.

My friend, B Dalton Book Idiot, was waiting in front of the Chargrill this morning. He was leaning back on the bench, with his hands down the front of his pants. He was moving his mouth like he was chewing. That takes creepy to a whole new level.

I had to go into to work to rearrange files. Oh joy. It was another scorcher today, so I was a sweaty mess by the time I got to the office. (Mental note to self: Next time I ride to work take a towel and comb.) Four and a half hours of manual labor later, I was still a sweaty mess. Just in time for my ride home, the mercury hit 95. And I'm still gross. An hour after I got home I was en route to L's new house to help her paint. Thankfully the Player's Retreat was gracious enough to serve us beer and a veggie burger for dinner. After dinner we went back for coat two in the living room. My day finished twelve hours after it started. I am exhausted. Completely and totally exhausted. Today was a pretty good day.

Today is my mom's 62nd birthday. The big news in their house? They bought a Wii. They also have an appointment with Social Security. Parents. What are ya gonna do?

Go Greyhound and leave the decapitating to us.

Dear God! Yet another reason to NOT take Greyhound!